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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Where is your focus?

When you have a child with RAD it is so easy to become totally focused on the RAD. You start seeing RAD in your child everywhere. You over analyze their words and actions. Don't ask how I know this.

Focus on the healthy relationships in your life. Spend time laughing and hanging out with those you love and who give back healthy love to you. You need to remember how normal feels. Your family needs to see you normal. (I realize normal is completely subjective, I mean your normal)

When we focus in on the disorder (RAD) and it consumes our time and thoughts, we too become unhealthy as we begin to see our child differently and we can begin to see ourselves through their eyes, or become entirely focused on the behaviors. Bag the behaviors. What is under there? Fear, sadness, rejection, feelings of abandonment, shame.  If you focus on those feelings much of the time what will happen to your own mood. Your own sense of peace?

Look for the little signs of healng and focus in on those instead. The real hug, the look of love in their eyes, the little note left for you, the sincere apology. Frame those and hang them on your heart to get you through the rough days.

So today where is your focus? In our family it was on church this morning and on the spiritual strength we gather there. I'm heading to work out at our local YMCA. ALONE! Yes. It would be good for our child to go with me and get some exercise, but after a struggling weekend with him, I need strength to be loving. NOT to do battle, but to be loving, attuned, supportive. That is the type of parent I want to be. Spend some time with your spouse, your healthy kids and don't talk about problems. Talk about fun. Experience joy.

Focus on healthy things and have a healing day!


  1. Thank you so much for this blog. You cannot imagine how much your words help and encourage. Thank you.

  2. Brenda, I've been reading your blog for a long time and am so encouraged for the other families you are now helping through your continued education! You are a blessing!

  3. YES! Waldenbunch. I appreciate your encouragement in the past and today! You are a blessing as well. I hope all is well in your household.


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